Hello folks, and welcome back to Wrong Every Time. Today we’re heading down to the racecourse, as we return to the injury-fraught drama of Umamusume’s second season. Having first been introduced to the triumphant Tokai Teio at the peak of her rookie season glory, we watched as she was struck low by a fractured ankle, and forced to sit out the conclusion of her original dream. But having diligently trained her body back into fighting form, she now stands ready for a comeback tour, following on the heels of her triumphant rival McQueen.
In spite of its inherently fanciful concept, the show’s mostly been sticking to sturdy sports drama fundamentals so far, digging into the daily grind of training your body, and marinating in the disappointment of being forced to reassess your professional ambitions. It’s also done a fair job of honing Umamusume’s sprawling roster into a parsable cast, emphasizing a rivalry between teams Spica and Canopus that facilitates both comic digressions and incidental personal narratives. Adapting Umamusume into an ensemble drama basically necessitates grappling with the fact that most athletes won’t achieve the glory they’ve imagined, so I’ll be interested to see how our leads continue to find solace and motivation as they seek that distant crown. Let’s get to it!
Episode 4
We jump right in at the Osaka Hai, where Tokai Teio is making her glorious comeback. Given the speed with which this production has pushed through triumph, setback, and recovery, I imagine we’ll soon be facing some new tragedy for Teio. Rejecting the usual “underdog competing against stronger opponents” sports drama template has a number of significant downstream dramatic consequences!
Gosh, her outfit is so much. Is she deliberately costumed like a fiery bird, to symbolize her phoenix-like rebirth as a competitor?
Her relevant opponent here is Ikuno Dictus, the glasses-pushing mastermind of Canopus. Hopefully her mid-race calculations will provide us some further context for the tactical considerations underpinning these races; one of the show’s persistent issues is that solo races like this are difficult to translate into mechanical drama, and there’s only so much “I’ll try even harder and summon a hidden burst of strength” handwaving you can rely on
Run with the Wind handled this issue by largely avoiding it, and instead prioritizing off-course human drama while leaning on strong animation to realize the physical experience of pushing your body during a race. Such an approach seems difficult for a story as fanciful as this, so I’m still hoping Umamusume will tackle the challenge head-on
Ikuno’s teammates offer moral support by coming up with terrible nicknames. The Canopus crew are pretty strong
We then cut to another racer who apparently already defeated McQueen, and now plans to complete the set
“Show me how you run, Teio.” McQueen continues to be almost too gay to live
Ikuno starts in the lead, but is unable to create the kind of distance she was hoping for. I suppose that offers our first glimpse of strategy – Ikuno knows she’s fast out of the gate, and must capitalize on that to create enough distance to counteract her opponents’ superior stamina
Teio ultimately wins the race handily, with Ikuno seemingly ending in fourth place
“There’ve been specials about it all morning.” Some reliable comedic payoff in how utterly horsegirl-obsessed this entire society seems to be
At the cafeteria, we learn the impressive Mihono Bourbon will also be competing. God, these names
She’s apparently got sort of a cool robot-girl affectation, stating that her “master” directed her to become a Triple Crown champion
“This is a can of Campbell’s suck!” Some remarkable translation work there. I wonder what joke they were adapting
Apparently Daitaku Helios is a gyaru horsegirl who speaks entirely in nonsense slang. Seems we’re just sort of sprinkling in incidental scenes of unrelated horsegirls to offer at least something to fans of everyone; an understandable concession to this production’s somewhat contradictory priorities, though obviously it would be better for the show in the abstract to focus such character-building moments on the characters we’re actually following
Bourbon’s “master” is her deep-voiced, yakuza-adjacent trainer. Immediately charmed by these two
Spica’s own trainer suggests that Teio and McQueen now train separately, with unique individual training regimens
Twin Turbo eating shit has also proven itself a vital vein of comedy. Both her personality and her design scream unearned confidence, and it’s always fun to see unearned confidence crash into reality
Teio’s trainer urges her to focus on stamina, handling longer practice runs in order to prepare herself for the longest race of her professional career. This seems like one of the best ways to inject tactical drama into this narrative – by focusing on the unique styles of preparation for the race, which is one of the clearest ways they can impact the outcome
Meanwhile, McQueen focuses on strengthening her ability to raise her knees even when fatigued. Something very strange about hearing these girls refer to their legs as “hindquarters”
On the morning of Bourbon’s big race, she is joined in her practice jogs by a disguised yet still-obvious Rice Shower. Rice Shower, putting on a hoodie and shades doesn’t matter if you’re still gonna wear that big-ass blue flower in your hair
Excellent disappointed Gold Ship as all her dumb friends elect to spend their day off helping our leads train
And then it’s time for the Satsukishou, where Bourbon will presumably demonstrate her terrifying power. Always gotta have your big bad chew up some lesser fodder to emphasize the threat they pose to your actual protagonists
Bourbon’s racing outfit leans into her robotic persona, outfitting her with jet fighter wing-like heels that match her impossible floating hair piece, alongside a ringed jumpsuit that makes her look like an android or astronaut
Her outfit matches her eyes – cool blue with magenta accents. Quite a look!
Though it’s far from this production’s most ridiculous character design, I remain astonished by Daiwa Scarlet’s ability to run while carrying a whole second person’s worth of hair
Bourbon will be competing against Canopus’s Machikane Taunhausser. Poor Canopus; they don’t even get to be proper rivals, they’re the comic relief characters used to demonstrate how much stronger the actual rivals are. I wonder if this story will eventually dig into the frustration inherent in that role, as it did with Teio’s initial struggles
Once again, Rice Shower plays the part of shrinking violet in the corner, her lack of presence emphasized as she stands out of focus and partially obscured by other racers. She prays not to win, but simply to keep up
Mihono Bourbon starts the race with a strong lead. A fine visual compromise here, animating her traditionally while relegating her slightly out-of-focus pursuers to CG models. Given the speed with which we’re rushing through races, I can’t blame the production for limiting its traditional animation
Our two leads discuss their different approaches to pressure; McQueen basically ignores it in order to focus on her own performance, while Teio actually thrives on facing a greater challenge
Aw, jeez. As expected, Bourbon wins easily – and even in this speedy profile cut of the finish line, it’s clear that Rice Shower finished well behind the others
Though she presents a cool front, McQueen’s nervousness seems apparent as she frets about the press describing their faceoff as a “TM event” rather than an “MT event”
Their interview is observed by a… witch in a brimmed cap? Knowing this show, that seems perfectly plausible
“The match of the millennium is drawing ever closer!” This show’s determination to compress all of horse racing into a context where every horse in history could conceivably attend the same high school together continues to reap strange dividends
Apparently someone pasted Teio’s face over a photo of McQueen from her previous victory. Who is this mysterious psychological saboteur!?
And Done
Thus we race towards the day of the Spring Tennoushou, with Teio in high spirits and McQueen determined to make her family proud. This was a pretty straightforward training episode on the whole, with most of its interesting beats actually concerning our leads’ impressive stable of rivals. As I said at the start, the fact that we’re focusing on so many characters means most of this cast is destined for disappointment, and I’m intrigued to see how this narrative continues to explore the trials of hopeful also-rans like Rice Shower and the Canopus crew. With this upcoming race promising a major defeat for one of our leads, it’s clear these girls will need more than the hope of perpetual victories to sustain them. So what journey awaits after the glory fades?
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